I don’t think that this night four years ago any of us could have known that while I was sitting in an ex boyfriend’s house watching Beetlejuice, you were going to bed to wake up the following morning to your last day on earth.
Four years ago a little bit of light left my life. You took a part of me with you and you’ll always have that part of me. I thank you for taking care of it thus far and of the rest of us that you so generously seem to be looking over.
People always mock me and ask me why I pray to you so much. Or why I’m so foolish to believe that there is a way for people like you to look over me. And I always tell them the same thing.
"It gives me hope."
If I had to wake up in a world where I couldn’t give you the run down of my day each night, or desperately beg you for help, strength and courage in times of need, then I wouldn’t want to carry on.
You spent 19 years by my side and I thank you for every single minute of every single one of those days. I cherish the memories I have made with you. I have managed to keep every promise I made to you that day I had to say goodbye for the last time and I intend to continue to stay true to my word.
You saved me on two occasions. Two occasions I know my family thank you for. Two occasions I, now, thank you for. You knew the world wasn’t ready to say goodbye to me when I was too lost to see it. But you delivered me back and helped me see just how loved I am.
I miss your laugh. I miss how by even just one look, you could make me laugh until I would cry. Tonight I think of you once more and the light you brought into my life. I only hope you manage to keep that light burning bright with you up there. I hope it’s as beautiful a place as you are a person. Because you deserve nothing less. I love you very much, B. And I always will.
Don’t worry. Be happy.